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so...
The more guys I know, the less hope I have of finding the right guy for me. Blah. I just have to remember that it's in God's hands. If marriage is in my future, my husbands gonna be insanely cool and perfect for me.
Watching Made of Honor. Fun fun fun.
Roomies, running and more!
I’m currently living with a friend of mine. I’ve known her for somewhere between 2 and 2 ½ years now. We actually tried finding a place together last year, but it all fell apart at the last minute. Anyway. I’m living with her now. About two weeks ago, I was stressing and decided moving to Wisconsin to live with my mom would be the best idea ever. Insert insanely stressful week and a half as I broke my lease and got my stuff out. But then things just fell apart. Now that I’ve slowed down, I see it as a bit of God saying “Nuh-uh, Laura. What should you be asking yourself? ‘What does God want me to do?’ Yeah. Ask it. Come on. Ask.”
The slowing down was kinda forced. I couldn’t sell my car, which would’ve enabled my mom to come down and get me. So I decided to sell some stuff and drive myself up there. Then my driver side window got smashed and somebody stole my CD case. Until I get $230ish to replace the window, I can’t even really drive my car. Which presents a problem in finding a job- how can I get to work? Gah!
But I’m trusting in God. I know He’s not “to blame” for all the stuff going on, but He can give me the strength and peace to get through all of this crap.
In other non life changing personal news, I’m really loving the new issue of Wired. Oddly focused on numbers… oddly for me, considering I hate mathematics with a fiery passion, not oddly for them. They’re geeks of all varieties. But I found the Living by Numbers section completely fascinating. It led me to start keeping track of my own life using numbers. Putting numbers and dates into calculators have made me reflect on myself more than I thought it would. For example, I realized that running actually does relieve stress for me. Running outside when it’s pleasantly sunny and not too hot provides more endorphins than running on a treadmill on a rainy day does.
And I’m actually interested in trying to keep track of my mood. If I were consistently honest about how happy I am at any given minute, I could probably see patterns and change my life in such a way to improve my mood and lifestyle. A wild guess is that I’m happiest Sunday afternoons and evenings. Not only because of the amount of positive social interaction I usually have, but also because Sunday mornings and early evenings I spend 1 ½ hour worshipping, praying and reflecting on God. A logical way to improve my mood would be to take the God time I have on Sundays and add mini sessions through out the week. ☺
I think the fact the numbers are a part of facts and figures that study human characteristics is what interests me. Numbers by themselves are blah to me. But use them to show human beings in their various states? Love it… Sociology wouldn’t be a horrible area for me to go into. I’m fascinated by it. Maybe if I have time after a bachelor’s in French, and a master’s in Education… a doctorate in sociology? Haha. Let’s take it a year at a time.
In conclusion, not having the internet has led me to have a lot of free time. Time I should be using to organize my 20 boxes of stuff… but I ended up messing with Photo Booth, and got a couple cool pics out of it. Neato.
hey
God, if you could hook me up with more childcare jobs, or a "real" job (according to my dad), that'd be sweet. I'd like to pay my bills. grrr.
so frustrating, not being able to pay a couple bills. I want so badly to be out of debt before this year ends. Ah, well.
I'm currently babysitting my friend's baby girl at the moment. She is just adorable. Both the mommy and the baby. Hannah is just so positive, and laid back at the same time. Most positive people seem to freak out if things aren't perfectly positive. I like her. And Lulu is the cutest baby girl in Columbus! So calm. Awww.
Speaking of babies, both of my sisters are pregnant. More nieces or nephews that I'll be far away from. The sucky part of being back in Cbus. There's no doubt that this is where I'm supposed to be. I just miss my family...
i dislike titles
i just spent half an hour on a blog post, and then viviti got feisty because I was uploading pics to facebook at the same time...
so a recap. Fun weekend, might run karaoke shows, trying to sell Avon and looking for a job.
Rich Nathan said the "your greatest sin" thing that was featured in Voices by House of Heroes, and apparently quoted himself incorrectly. I wasn't there, but I was taking care of babies and listening to Jared speak at Central Vineyard.
Now pretty pictures that kinda describe my weekend!
Changes
Life has changed since I last posted. I moved out of my family's house and currently in my own apartment. Unfortunately, I went from have two jobs when I applied for it to currently having no job. Not so good. I'm thinking of getting a roommate to help me out with the bills.
I'm trying to find a babysitting job. I just want to find a family that I can work with through out the summer, and after school the rest of the year. A family that I mesh with insanely well. Somewhere I can work for during x amount of years I'm in school. That's what I want.
So bills are kinda stressing me out. Guys too. I mean, sure, guys are great, but I'm finally at a point when I'm glad to be single. Guys are too complicated. The ones you like don't like you and the ones that do like you... bleh.
Spirituality wise, I'm also in a bit of a blah place. I love God, and I know He loves me. When I get to a place where I'm constantly stressed, I shut down until I can breathe again. If I'm stressed, I'm a shell of a person. My logical side fires up and tries to take care of things. But the more I try to fix things, the crazier things get. I know I prefer God's craziness to my own.
I'm going to try to get back into doing photography for myself for a bit. I want to challenge myself to find beauty in my neighborhood, something that reminds me of God. Lately, I've been so focused on whether or not I can make money off of photography... that's not going to work for me.
Off to hang out with "my crew". Au revoir!
Dreaming
I feel like talking about my dreams. It's my blog, so I can do it. :)
Today, I picked up some information from school about financial aid. I'm going to see if I could get into a work study program... that'd be great. But all of this going back to school thing has me thinking. Thinking about what I want to accomplish in life. So I think I'll write it all down here.
I want to get my associate's in Digital Photography. I know it's not as great as a bachelor's or master's, but it's enough for me right now. It looks like I'll be the second woman in my family (just going by my sisters, my mom, my grand mothers, etc) to graduate from college.
After that, I want to open up my own business. On one side of it, it'll be a photography/grapic arts studio. We'll do weddings, events, senior portraits. Fun stuff like that. Maybe get into doing web design, depending who I have with me. And I plan on dragging my friends into this. :)
The other side of my business will basically be a coffee shop. Same building, so I can get lots of coffee during the day. It won't just be a coffee shop. I'll have computers, wireless internet for people, chess tables, books for people to read. A small stage with instruments. People can come in whenever and just hang out. Most of this stems from my sister's business in our hometown. Freezing cold out, but there's a safe haven. I want a place that can be a second home to people in the community. College students, business people, families, elders who just want a place to chat, whoever. I've always wanted to do something like this, and to combine it with my photography business would be awesome.
I'll probably end up getting a business degree to make it work. Or hiring a friend to run the other side... I want to be involved in it though.
I want to own a house. My own house. I want to be able to decorate however I want to... my parents have never owned a house of their own. A trailer, yes. But it's not quite the same as a house. Not that I'm opposed to trailers. But I like basements. :)
I want to get my bachelor's degree. I want to get a master's. I'd be cool with getting a doctorate, but absolutely fine without it.
I want to do EF's language program. I was thinking Paris at first, but I have a hard time leaving Columbus for a week. I love it too much. I've been looking into their Montreal courses... I'd have the benefit of being a (really freaking long) drive away from home, and be in a bilingual city, so I could still use English and not... forget how to say stuff in my first language. I did that a little after I took a trip to France... A couple months, who knows how well I could speak English?
And of course, the only dream I've known about most of my life. To have a family of my own. To be with the guy God created me to be with, and to be blessed with kids. Whether we make them or find them, I want to be a mother. If I were in any place to adopt right now, I'd probably have a couple of kids already. :)
This is the hardest thing to dream about, because it's not all me. I know the rest I can do only with the strength God gives me, but I can't get married on my own. I've tried, the courts won't let me! Okay, that's a lie, I haven't tried. But I still doubt they would. :) It's just hard to be a girl sometimes. I know there's a wonderful man out there... but at the moment, I have the time to focus everything on God. Believe me, I'm praying for my future husband, but I can't spend every moment of my life sitting around, waiting for him to appear. That would just be lame.
Anyway. I think those are most of my dreams at the moment. I feel like going to school would be a big step for me. Cut back on work hours so I can kick butt and get great grades... I'm so excited!
I was sitting, waiting, wishing
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you would see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain’t the Lord no I’m just a fool
In love with somebody
Don’t make them love you
-Jack Johnson
Living Unveiled
I think God's taking it easy on me this year. It seems like every January/February, He brings something to my attention, and asks me to work on it throughout the year. Last year, I had some pretty heavy stuff. The death of my friend Bryan, my parents' separation/soon to be divorce. Bryan, I've finally dealt with. I'll always miss him, and I'll always have this ache in my heart to see him again. But I know he's with Jesus now, praying for me and the rest of our friends, and just having a great time. I know he is.
This year, the theme is living unveiled with my family and friends, and accepting that I'm worthy. That I have things to offer. It started with reading Captivating, and realizing that feeling like I'm inadequate is a lie I've believed for as long as I can remember. Then Date with Jesus, my friend Amy basically said the same thing, and prayed for me. The day after that, God was like "okay, you have the happy feelings going. What happens when you don't? It's time to start working on it with me, darling princess."
I thought losing Bryan hurt (it did!). Challenging myself every time I want to pick on myself, give myself a hard time and let myself feel discouraged and unworthy is extremely painful. Last night, I went to a small group, and someone got a word from God about people feeling unworthy. I didn't get prayer like I knew I should. It's hard to not beat myself up about that.
It's just hard, dealing with all of the spiritual warfare. I mean, a couple years ago, I wasn't sure if I believed demons really existed, let alone if they really cared enough to attack us. Now I'm constantly fighting with them and with myself. The enemy just loves putting stupid ideas in my head- my friends don't want to spend time with me, they wouldn't want to pray for me, I'd just annoy them if I called. They like to throw in stupider ideas of hurting myself, but those are so easy to spot. Been there, done that, ain't gonna trick me again Satan. I just keep getting annoyed at things that aren't remotely annoying, and then I don't open up with whoever "annoyed" me... It's a way the enemy is keeping me away from my relationships and my friends. It's a hard battle to fight.
And I really hate just putting this out there, on my website. Maybe people will think I'm crazy. But I want a record of what I'm going through, and I want others to see it. Only when I live unveiled, open with people about my sufferings and my battles, can others see the glory of God through me.
That's the greatest compliment in the world. To hear from others that they see Jesus in you. My friend Jeron's grandmother said that to me when I was 16... and it's been with me ever since. So go, Jeron's grandmother! :)
The Heavens declare...
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world
-Psalm 19:1-4 (TNIV)
Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
-Isaiah 40:26 (TNIV)
This blog entry is totally the pimping of a website. But for good reason. The Star of Bethlehem is something I've never really given much thought to. Before today, my thought process was simple; some star came out and three guys followed it for some reason, it's in the Bible so it must be true *wink wink*. I just didn't think about it much.
Until I saw The Nativity Story again. The three wise men had good reasons to follow the star. I just didn't know them. So I googled around for the star, and found this website. It's long and in-depth, but once I read all of it, I was amazed.
But it didn't end there. I found a program- Stellarium - and it let me go back in time to the months and years mentioned on the other website. It was amazing.
Viviti is glitching at the moment, otherwise I'd upload my screen shots of the star of Bethlehem. If you ever have time, definitely check out the first website. If you have even more free time, get the second website in the mix. :)
Gratitude
So, Thanksgiving was a couple weeks ago. And Christmas is coming up. I've been thinking about God a lot lately. This year has been so chaotic. I was starting to go numb from just everything that was going on. Luckily, God caught my attention before I was "gone".
I've just been reminded of what I'm thankful for.
Family, even when they annoy the crud out of you, and bug you about the dishes without checking to see if you've already done them (which you so did).
Friends, even when they have the craziest inside jokes that it takes you a while to catch on to. I mean really, who watches Christy that often? Besides my friends, I mean.
God. This is a good time of the year to think about God and Jesus and everything. Of course, I generally think about God and Jesus every week, but now's the time to reflect on His life, and my own life. I started crying during The Nativity Story movie, when the shepards and the wise men were just looking at Jesus. How terrifying that experience was for Mary and Joseph... had to travel a long way, she was pregnant, and they knew they had to raise God. I mean... wow. I don't know if I could've done it.
With this Christmas wish is missed the point I could convey. If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life. Because here is where You're finding me in the exact same place as New Year's Eve and from a lack of my persistency, we're less that half as close as I want to be
And the first time that You opened Your eyes, did you realize that You would be my Savior? And the first breath that left Your lips, did You know that it would change this world forever?
And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years to what this midnight made so clear, that You have come to meet me here...
And I, I celebrate the day that You were born to die so I could one day pray for you to save my life, pray for you to save my life, pray for you to save my life...
holy knit!!
The amount of people that I know that also knit has increased. Which is good. I'm hoping to start making my own knitting needles, and maybe selling them to friends. Should be fun.
I'm currently working on two or three projects. The first is my knitted hat. I was thinking of giving it to the 1,000 & 1,000 campaign, but I'm thinking I chose the wrong colors. I'm not sure what I'll do with it
The second project is a painting. I'm about to move my stuff around and share a room with my cousin. Seeing as I'll actually have walls for the first time in months, I've decided to do a painting to put up. But I'm not exactly the greatest painter ever known, so I used inspiration from XKCD. I chose 4 panels from the XKCD love the Discovery Channel comic, and am almost done painting my own version. This is how it is so far:
Forgive the current lack of spiffy scanner. I'm hoping that I can set up my desk once I have my new room, and steal my printer/scanner back from my cousin. Living with family is oh so fun. But yes. The painting. The 3rd panel I'm still undecided. I'm tempted to use to ball pit panel, but that'll be difficult. It's pretty much between the ball pit and the electric skateboard...
The last project I want to start (and finish) soon is making a dirty/clean magnet for the dishwasher. Dishes keep piling up because no one remembers if the dishes are clean or dirty... So annoying. Therefore, I shall fix it! Yay!
Other than that... I'm not up to much. This weekend is so different from the last. Perhaps because last weekend was constantly doing something with someone... and this weekend was all watch Buffy/Angel and paint...
Now, the thrilling adventure of cleaning up my temporary room so the guys can start changing stuff around! yaaay.
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